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Brittney Smaila – Dating Mental Illness

Brittney Smaila came in 2nd place with a score of 53.6 on November 10th at the Vancouver Poetry Slam. This is Brittney’s poem Dating Mental Illness


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  1. i've written a collection of poems about the links between Bipolar disorder and creativity- using famous sufferers like Sylvia Plath/ TS Eliot /Virginia Woolf /Beethoven/Vincent Van Gogh as a subject for each one. If you'd like to read them please go to my blog at theunsweetenedalmond.blogspot.com 🙂 thanks!!!!!


  3. My boyfriend and I both struggle with mental illness and we're so perfect for each other, but my gosh I'm so scared. I'm so so scared.

  4. I have a crush on someone with depression and they have disappeared off all social media and I miss them and I love them but they don't know that it's been 5 days since they haven't texted back and I'm really sad

  5. They labeled me schizophrenic
    Cuz theyre afraid of what i will discover

    But i walk my own path
    For it is my Will to Conquer

    They say you only live once
    For if that is true
    I will make it count….

    Heres more

  6. That…that…that is the most relatable thing…oh my gods Phoebe if you are out there I am sorry that you're dating me

  7. This so amazing. I suffer from mental illness and this is my entire relationship and just this is very great. Thank you for sharing 💕

  8. This why I'm single because guy think oh it'll be okay . We're all a bit off ..No I need to hear that u still love me everyday .. and that my constant memory lost isn't annoying you like it is me .. I need to know that in your eyes I'm still good enough to be with u because some days I don't even think I'm good enough to be alive .. or maybe it's the constant 3 am texts mix with 8am regret that makes me feel like my body is nothing to respect. The I'm sorry I was horny and you where can we be friends shit that makes the way I am .. I don't know ..

  9. I literally cried during this. I never noticed it was actually a problem other people had but I have to ask my bf almost everyday if he still loves me or even likes me and I apologize after cause I feel bad. I don't text him cause I feel like I bother him. He reassures me all the time that I never bother him. We've been going out for about 2 months and its a serious relationship but I don't think I should tell him that I sometimes suffer with anxiety and depression and stuff. I get too paranoid and I never thought it was bad. I just thought it was a little thing like my OCD. I have so many problems! Why can't I just be normal? I want to tell him about it. I want him to reassure me that my presence is needed in this world that I'm worth while. That I matter. Things have been pretty rough this last week. I want to tell my bf that "I'm sorry that you're dating me" but he might take it the wrong way. idk. He doesn't even know that I tried to kill myself once. He doesn't even know. Sometimes I feel like I should tell him but I dont want him to ask questions or think I'm suicidal or something. idk what I'm even thinking anymore.

  10. This is literally the most relatable thing I've ever heard. What the fuck. You put it into words. Couldn't have said it better myself

  11. i can relate way too much

  12. This hit me so hard… I've been dating my boyfriend for a few months now and now we're in this huge fight because… I don't know. He got to close I think

  13. i dated someone with depression and once he got "better" he left me. I'm actually bipolar,have anxiety, and depression

  14. This is exactly what my boyfriend was like. He killed himself.

  15. this sums up dating me, beautifully tragic

  16. I relate to this so much.

  17. I hope this doesn't come off as rude to anyone, but I actually wrote a blog post about this particular video called "5 Realistic Expectations When Dating My Mental Illness." I'd really appreciate it if you could check it out:

  18. Why are people clicking? Great poem by the way.

  19. This inspired me to write something 🙂

    To the next guy who is up to the challenge of dating me: I am clingy. You will have to constantly reassure me you like me. I may burst into tears when you tell me you love me because my mind won't let me believe it. I will hide my scarred wrists under baggy sweatshirts and wear jeans to the beach because my mind will tell me I'm too fat for shorts. And I may turn away from you while crying. Please believe me when I say it isn't you. I'm just so used to dealing with this on my own. I may push you away so you won't be an innocent bystander when the ticking time bomb that is my life finally explodes.

  20. Thank you, I needed to hear that desperately, it helps to know someone else has been through it too.

  21. This is the transcription of the poem, "Dating Mental Illness" by Brittney Smaila. I am only doing this as a YouTube community service. I do not work for anyone, and am not claiming any connection to this poem, poet, or YouTube channel.
    *I apologize that this writing format (the bullet-points) makes this a really long post, but it's what I use for my own poetry on my YouTube channel, so it comes easier). Enjoy!

    "-I've seen too many articles detailing why dating someone with a mental illness is a good idea.
    -As I'm reading these articles all I'm seeing is romanticized pain,
    -Glorified illness,
    -Trust me, you do not want to date my mental illness.
    -For the first months of our relationship is will seem perfect.
    -I will be just aloof enough,
    -Strangely straightforward because I've got nothing to lose.
    -Only when I realize you're here to stay will things begin to get bumpy.
    -You will get annoyed with my sudden neediness.
    -'When did I get so clingy?
    -I said I wasn't able jealous person,
    -So why am I so f*cking jealous?
    -What is wrong with me?'
    -I will apologize.
    -'I'm sorry that you're dating me.'
    -I will try to be your support,
    -But when you tell me you're depressed because your fish just died,
    -I hear a lack of understanding,
    -And I want you to think about how the words 'attempted suicide' look as the centerpiece on a family dinner table.
    -How they look tattooed across your forehead
    -Because you can tell that everyone knows.
    -Why else would they be looking at you like that?
    -And they ARE looking at you like that.
    -What do you mean by 'paranoia'?
    -I can just TELL that you don't like me.
    -I get the vibe that you don't like me.
    -I'm pretty sure that you don't like me.
    -Please, reassure me that you like me.
    -I know you get tired of it.
    – I know this is the 4th time I've checked in two days,
    -But how can I be sure that your answer hasn't changed?
    -You might've grown tired of me in the meantime,
    -Because I have grown tired of me in the meantime.
    -I haven't heard a positive word in years.
    -My doctor says I tune them out,
    -But I don't know how,
    -When I'm trying so hard to listen for them.
    -Maybe I'm just not tuned in to the right frequency.
    -Maybe they're just not said with enough frequency.
    -Please, reassure me that you like me!
    -Reassure me that you like me!
    -Reassure me that you like me!
    -Reassure me that my presence is not a burden.
    -That it's okay that I started crying in the middle of the grocery store and couldn't explain why.
    -That it's okay that I haven't done the dishes in 3 weeks,
    -Haven't gotten or out of bed in 4 days-in-counting.
    -'I'm sorry that you're dating me.'
    -When you take me out to dinner
    -Hope that I am eating that week.
    -Hope that your friends don't notice that I got drunk off one beer
    -Because that's all I've consumed in the last 63 hours.
    -'I'm sorry that you're dating me.'
    -When you pay for the movie,
    -Don't get mad when I fall asleep.
    -That l The nightmares are too frequent to rest anywhere except with your arm around me.
    -'I'm sorry that you're dating me.'
    -And yeah, you can come over tonight.
    -We'll have sex,
    -And it'll be the best of your life,
    -But I will have been far away the entire time,
    -Going through the motions I know you like.
    -You will finish.
    -I will apologize.
    -'I'm sorry that you're dating me'."

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